Perhaps it is a result of this lack of sleep. Perhaps it is a result of a burdened worldview. It's isolation, while wanting to be connected. Bored when together, and yet longing when alone.
Interactions with those around me leave me feeling breathless. Almost trapped. Trapped by my own greed, my own idealism, and my own need for recognition. And I can't expect that from the world around me, and thus that leaves me hanging amid two sides of the chasm.
I have come to this realization: I am a living contradiction.
I constantly want to be somewhere I'm not. I should engage in where I am. I long for connection and relationships, and yet in the presence of others, I feel fear and walls and retraction.
It's isolation, but fooling the rest of the world with a smile.
I think you are just trying to find yourself and I know that sooner or later you figure it out. Don't over think it - just follow your heart :-)
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right, I'm trying to find myself, my identity, who I am and what makes me truly feel…it's a strange feeling right now though, figuring out how to fill the insides of this shell
Delete"follow your heart"..I love that :)
This is one very honest post. Between what you offer to life and what life returns to you, there will always be this disconnect.
ReplyDeleteHonesty is this strange new thing I'm trying :) it's a new goal: living honestly and truthfully.
DeleteWhat do you mean by this disconnect? I'm curious :)